The Ten Commandments

[landy bob]

Are you tired of the same old ten commandments?
Do you think there past there sell by date?
Can you remember all 10 of them?
And do you give a crap anyway?


I thought so. Well I thought it would be fun to make our own up
Dont bother with 10 just do 1 if you wish.

1. thou shalt not look at my landy with disgust just because it filled your convertible with blue oil smoke on start up.
2. thou shalt not attempt to sell sky television to me whilst im shopping.
3. thou shalt recognise the passing of wind in public as the highest form of humour.
4. thou shalt park as the desire taketh me, even upon the foot of a traffic warden
5. thou shalt take in vain the name of the prime minister for he hath been blinded by the excrement of bovine creatures
6. thou shalt not raise the middle finger to me as i am going as fast as i can dammit

 

[mason]

hahaha loveit

 

[landy bob]

7. thou shalt try very very hard not to refer to my ex wife as Burping Herbert in front of my 3 year old son

 

[landy bob]

8. thou shalt wear a crash helmet when trying to put trousers on and walk down stairs at the same time

 

[matt 103]

9. thou shall bring clean undies when riding in the bat (uh dan ?)

still waiting lol

 

[landy bob]

72. thou shalt not get drunk and play the digerydoo at 3 am in the middle of the road

 

[landy bob]

29. thou shalt not telephone me whilst I'm in the toilet

 

[landy bob]

63. thou shalt not covert my shiny new exhaust pipes, or complain about the wonderful noise they make

 

[landy bob]

9. thou shalt probably stop eyeing up the ladies whilst taking the wife shopping as a black eye can be a bit painful

 

[landy bob]

24. thou shalt desist from uttering foul oaths and using thy name in vain just because i left the front door open and started the transit van filling thee home with stinky diesel fumes
25, thou shalt also not throwest kitchen appliances in my general direction 10 mins later when i absent mindedly perform the same stunt with the land rover

 

[mummyjan]

26 Thou shalt not upset thy wife otherwise thou shalt not get fed x

 

[landy bob]

203. thou probably should not have drawn adolf hitler moustaches on the photos of the mother in law even though they really suit her. and the antlers and tail also look good on the sister in law

 

[landy bob]

93. thou shalt remove the fuses from the consumer unit before playing with the light circuit in the loft

 

[landy bob]

94. thou shalt also repair the landing ceiling after playing with the lights in the loft and accidentally putting my foot through the ceiling after being electrocuted by the light circuit

 

[MRKRYS69]

69 Thou shalt stop comparing the parts delivery girl to a female adult film star.

 

[MRKRYS69]

70. Thou shalt also stop ordering parts that I don't need, just so she comes back for the returns :winkiss:

 

[MRKRYS69]

71 Thou shalt also make sure the wife can't get on here and see 69 & 70...

 

[landy bob]

12.4 thou shalt not attempt the bed of nails trick with a plank of wood that only has one nail in it
nor should it be that the doctor likens me to a muppet 4 days later when I turn up with a purple foot.

 

[landy bob]

2945. thou shalt desist from standing upon thine gangrenous appendage unless thy wishes to receive a clump round the lugholes

 

[landy bob]

Thou shalt not start firing on only 1 cylinder whenever it starts to rain especially as i put some lovely new indicators on you and cleaned your lovely shiny exhausts AND made sure you had some oil. And thou shalt part ex you the next time you don't start and make me push you up that f888ing hill again