Funnies

[Laceytree]

A man went into a garage and said "Have you got a wiper blade for my 'classic'?" The Garage owner took a look outside on the forecourt at the half completed project and replied "OK. Seems like a fair deal".


A man went into a garage and said "Have you got a wiper blade for my 'classic'?" The Garage owner took a look outside on the forecourt at the half completed project and replied "FOR THAT. You must be joking!".


How do you double the worth of your restoration project? Fill up the petrol tank.:Smile:


"My wife phoned me just before the autojumble, and she said, "I've got water in the carburetor." I was suitably impressed I asked, "where's the car?" she said, "in the river."

I was in out in my Austin Healey the other morning when my boss rang up and told me
"You've been promoted". And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again".
And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said, "Now ... you're managing director".
And I drove into a tree. Then a policeman came up and said, "What happened to you?"
And I said, "I careered off the road". 13:


The police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. :Shock:

 

[bonniedriver]

Did you hear about the hyena that fell in the pot of boiling water? It made a laughing stock of itself.....

 

[chris68coupe]

Sean & Cilla

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson,
and bragged that despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex 3 times a night.
Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.

After the show, Cilla says,

"Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer.

Lets go back to my ouse, we could 'ave a lorra fun.
So they went back to her place and got comfortable

After a couple of drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad passionate sex together.

Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good,

let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have better shex.

But while I'm shleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and ma willy in your right hand".
Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says "Okay".

He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex than before.

Then Sean says, "Cilla, that was wonderful.

But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have to......."

"I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No problem hun".
Cilla complies with the routine.

The results this time are absolutely mind blowing.

Once it's all over, they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette and Cilla asks

"Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand

and yer willy in de other - does it really stimulate yer that much?"

Sean replies, "No, not at all Cilla......


.......but the last time I shlept with a scouser,
the bitch stole ma wallet!"